Please rate my story on the scale of 1 to 10. You'll love it I promise.?

Chapter Three: Flash Memories.



The lights in the bathroom were dim and the tub was filling up with water. I took a look around the room and came across a bottle of bubble bath solution near the sink. There were a stack of towels on the towel rack above the toilet. I grabbed a white towel and tossed it onto the shower curtain. I picked the bottle and squirted some solution into the running water, creating a large lump of foam. While the tub was filling up, I look off my clothes and tossed them aside. By the time the tub was already half full, I twisted the faucet and took a dip into the lukewarm water. After a few minutes, I felt at peace. Squishing the thick foam felt like mashed potatoes. I took a second look around the room. The magenta walls and the dim light made nearly everything else appear the same color. The smell of chamomile swept me from reality. I was right about the bath. It really was a nice place to relax and think.



I submerged myself into the warm water and closed my eyes. The first thought I had was about the city of Grendel. The picture that came into my mind was the newspaper article that I have read earlier this morning. The mugshot of the girl resembled me and according to the article itself, I was wanted for something, but for what? What was it like in Grendel? Will I find some clue to my past? Will I ever find my parents? Should I go to Grendel? A part of me began to completely shut down.



I was no longer underwater. The sky was dark and the moon was half circular. A man stood in front of me, and he seemed to be waiting for me. The man did not smile. He had long red hair that was pulled back and braided.



“Come at me as if you’re going to kill me.” he said.



I nodded. I charged at him with great speed ready to attack, but he grabbed my hair the moment I was close enough to do so.



"Pathetic" He said and tossed me aside. "Try again"



I got back on my feet and panted. The man gave me a dirty look, he expected me to do a better job at whatever I was doing. I charged at him once more, and once again he pushed me aside.



"You're weak" he said, "I don't see the dark emotions in your eyes. All I see from you is love and affection. Do you love me Lily?"



"I do Master." I said and smiled at him.



"Get rid of it." he said. "I have told you several times. I don't love you back. I couldn’t care less about you. When are you ever going to get rid of this weak emotion?”



"I don't know Master." I whispered.



"What have I told you about that?"



"Love no one but you" Despite what he said, I still showed affection for him. "Because no one will love you back.”



"Good. Now, what are you to me?"



"Nothing more than your servant." I said. "Nothing more than your weapon and tool whose purpose is to do as Master sees fit."



"Good girl." said Master. "Let's go home"



I got up and followed him out of the meadow. The moment I held his hand, he snatched it away and gave me another dirty look.



“Master…” I whispered, but he ignored me.



“Master, why don’t you love?”



Master stopped walking and looked down at me. He seemed annoyed when he heard me ask that.



“Meow” There were no cats around, so where did that meow come from?



“Meow” There it was again I felt something splash my face.



Miss Lily, this time there was a voice calling to me, Miss Lily please wake up.



The images around me faded away. I opened my eyes to see a black cat in front of me.



All you alright? she said. You were completely out of it.



I’m fine, Isis, I said, and what are you doing here? I’m bathi-



Sitting up, I realized that I was dry and clothed.



I know you were bathing, but I still want to look out for you, said Isis, You were in that trance for an hour. Do you think I’d let you drown in the bathtub?



Thank you, I said. What do you mean, a trance?



I can tell you were in a memory trance. said Isis. It’s a psychic state that allows you to see into the past.



Are you meaning to tell me that this dream is a memory?



Yes, emphasis on the word ‘memory’. I told you that your memories will come on their own.

Please rate my story on the scale of 1 to 10. You'll love it I promise.?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz .....



Theres 4-5 minutes I'll never get back!



Seriously though, it is not my cup of tea but not horribly written. Very much in the vain of a girlie romance novel, so if that was the intent .... you are on your way!



Happy New Year! Good luck with the writing!
Reply:It jumps around quite a bit..hard to follow...

needs more continuity...



It's like you are keeping a secret from your readers.

You need to let the readers IN on it....



Try to show more than TELL..it's more effective...



"The smell of chamomile swept me from reality. "



the intoxicating smell of chamomile carried me away....
Reply:that was really good



i realy liked that



(there were a few errors that i noticed - spelling and the wrong words used)



other then that great
Reply:You are a very talented writer. I give you an 8. But your writting needs to slow down a little. Well what I mean is you jumped so fast from the tub, to the medow, to the cat. other than that. Great Job. A+
Reply:This is a fantastic story.......I like how you have such great detail...it had me visualizing everything as I was reading it...and to me that is the best way an author can capture a readers interest!! KUDOS!!
Reply:Interesting, do you have a blog or website where we can read more? The grammar is a little confusing at times, some of the wording is hard to read. And the whole "mashed potatoes" doesn't make sense. Water wouldn't be that thick. :P
Reply:i thought that was a very cute story! i give it a 8.5! it sounds like something out of an actual story book! i especially liked the surprise ending where what she was thinking about had happened long ago. however,i thought the story could of been alittle longer so that it would of been like an adventure. some of what you said did not make very much sense, but that all didn't matter because i realized how hard you were trying to make sense. hee hee it's hard making stories and i think you did a good job
Reply:It put me in a trance trying to get through it............
Reply:i love it!!!!!