I'm writing a "story" is it good?

Swaying in the gentle breeze of the wind. The silent rushing water flowing over pebbles and rocks one by one. The old wise weeping willow's leaves and its self swaying in the wind. Lily - pad flowers blooming in the sunshine....This is the place where I come every afternoon to write poems and enjoy the different lives of nature. The great old, yet wise, weeping willow is my best nature friend! That my sound crazy, but the weeping willow can talk to me whenever I want to talk. No one knows about this place except me! You probably are wanting to know how I found this place. Well..let's start on the day when I recieve my magic powers. It was a ordniary crazy-packed Friday here in Thomas Jefferson Elementary School, except one thing wasn't ordniary. I, Charlotte Stella, was the one thing that was't normal on this Friday. Strange things started happening at lunch. My friends were talking away as usual but something was going on inside my hands. A tingling sensation, yes thats what it was...

I'm writing a "story" is it good?
somewhat eccentric, yet it has a quality about it that has me hooked. i love the poetic beginning....be careful not to get lost in the transition from poetry to storytelling, though-it was confusing.
Reply:Sounds good,I think I'm hooked! A friend of mine is also writing a book and it is pretty good as well. There are a few misspellings that can be easily fixed.
Reply:Too many adjectives. Silent rushing water? No, rushing water is not silent. Simplify your sentances. Do what Hemingway did and write short simple sentances. Use a spell check. Go for it.
Reply:Too jumbled and flowery. Focus on one idea first, then gradually shift your story line. You're all over the place here.
Reply:yeah i think that's a good story

keep working on it.

I like to write stories too.
Reply:Dear I realize you are only 11, but you MUST learn to write in sentences. A sentence has a subject and a verb.



Swaying in the gentle breeze of the wind - not a sentence. Neither is The silent rushing water flowing over pebbles and rocks one by one. or The old wise weeping willow's leaves and its self swaying in the wind. or Lily - pad flowers blooming in the sunshine.



Hon, quite honestly, that's about all the time an agent or publisher is going to give you. Add to that a ton of spelling, tense and syntax errors and you are in big trouble.



Before you can write, you have to learn how to write. You have to pay attention to your grammar and spelling and punctuation or it wont matter much if your story is good or not, it will become somebody's paper shredder's lunch. That's how the business goes, kiddo. Before you post something you should proofread it or have someone do it for you.



Assuming you are 11 and in the 6th grade, I would suggest asking a teacher to read some of your work or go to the library and talk to the YA librarian about finding you a mentor. Or ask one of your parents to work with you or maybe enroll you in a special writing class.



It takes a lot of hard work to write, and the sooner you learn, the easier writing will become for you. Go over this - it needs a LOT of correcting.. Pax - C