Please tell me what you like about this poem?

listen

beloved

i dreamed

it appeared to me that you thought to

escape me and became a great

lily atilt on

insolent

waters but i was aware of

fragrance and i came riding upon

a horse of porphyry into the

waters i rode down the red

horse shrieking from splintering

foam caught you clutched you upon my

mouth.

listen

beloved

i dreamed in my dream you had

desire to thwart me and became

a little bird and hid

in a tree of tall marble

from a great way i distinguished

singing and i came

riding upon a scarlet sunset

trampling the night easily

from the shocked impossible

tower i caught

you strained you

broke you upon my blood

listen

beloved i dreamed

i thought you would have deceived

me and became a star in the kingdom

of heaven

through day and space i saw you close

your eyes and i came riding

upon a thousand crimson years arched with agony

i reined them in tottering before

the throne and as

they shied away at the automaton moon from

the transplendent hand of sombre god

i picked you

as an apple is picked by the little peasants for their girls

Please tell me what you like about this poem?
It's very... nature-ish.



But there's no capital letters and you have many run-on sentences.
Reply:I can't deny that it's expressive but it is difficult to follow at times as per what you're saying to him/her. I think it could be more universally themed, if you mean to share it with the masses. There is some really epic, beautiful imagery here, "upon a thousand crimson years arched with agony" really stands out in my mind...it's an awesome way to express a prolonged torment. I think you have a lot of potential as a poet. Thanks for posting.
Reply:porphyry? I think you are trying too hard. Real poetry comes from the heart. No one uses words like that.
Reply:ummm..I don't get it?!
Reply:redneck version



I dunno buddy, its got some kick into it. Your smartass will be in college before potatoe season!
Reply:Nice metaphors.

However, with a poem of this length I suggest a metre of some sort.
Reply:wow
Reply:Beautiful, Great flow... Kept my imagination picturing things, good imagry! I love it!
Reply:Nothing....sorry
Reply:its a weird but great poem! it really makes me smile. if u were a poest then u should put up this poem!
Reply:I like how I keep picturing things that are in the poem
Reply:I don't like it. It sounds like it's about a man who was stalking a woman. No matter where she hides, he finds her. He feels like she is his. Like she belongs to him.
Reply:to long
Reply:ummm.... i dont wanna be mean but ur poem is sorta random and bad

its really difficult 2 read and there is no flow
Reply:Deep...moving...dark...

it belongs a Shadowy intellectual romance
Reply:very well written! I love how well you used adjectives, i could see the pictures in my head while i read it....=]] keep writing! good luck
Reply:This is the best poem about another poet from Yahoo! (Dark Prince I am about 97% sure) you have ever composed. You also did it in such a way that was interesting to read. You almost seem to say "Well, if you want to write poems in the shitty Anne Rice genre, this is at least HOW it's done." There were some things that were just ridiculous, but overall I had fun reading it.



Phorhyry?
Reply:I like concrete imagery, and things I can sense as a reader, so I enjoyed the lines:



waters i rode down the red

horse shrieking from splintering

foam caught you clutched you upon my

mouth.



and



i picked you

as an apple is picked by the little peasants for their girls



Nice imagery and metaphor.
Reply:Gape! I have learnt a new word "porphyry". Your poem seems to be ancestrally derived from a similar region form whence the rock came. Reminiscent of Rubbiyat Hafiz.
Reply:wow...that was beautiful!!! This was the BEST poem i have ever read...wow..=)

flowers and gifts